Solitude
by DarkAmber112
Summary: Gaara's childhood starting from the age of 3. The story of how he first discovered his sand ability, and coped with it. Story is better than the summary, I promise. No pairings. Chapter 2 up!
1. What am I?

A/N: Ok, this is my first Naruto fanfic. I could think of no way to continue my little fma oneshot (btw, I thank all of the people who gave me such nice reviews! It's reviewers like you that make the world of fanfics go 'round!!). I hope you guys enjoy this story! I came up with this idea a few weeks ago when I watched that one episode where they show Gaara as a six year old...it just kind of made me wonder how it all began...gosh, he was a cute chibi, wasn't he?!?! Poor kid...

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing!! Except my OC's that appear in this chapter (No, it's not an OC pairing. They're not even main characters; I just needed them for a story booster.)

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**Chapter 1: What am I?**

It hurt.

The three year old stared blankly at his collection of stuffed animals, holding one bear in particular close to his chest. The room was so painfully quiet; you could hear the laughter of children a mile away. The boy wasn't quite sure why his chest was hurting so much. The throbbing of his heart slowly became sharper. He hugged his stuffed bear closer to him, and shut his eyes tightly. It wasn't doing much good.

_'Why…why does this keep happening to me? What have I done to deserve this?' _

His breathing began to get more ragged as the pain spread throughout his heart as quickly as fire. His insides felt like they were burning.

_'I-I can't breathe!' _

He tried to scream, but his lungs felt as if they were about to burst.

_'No more! Please, no more!' _

He couldn't take it anymore. His entire mind was screaming in agony. Not even the cold sweat that now drenched every inch of his body could put out the flame that was raging inside of him.

A sudden knock on the door made the child jump, forcing him to gasp for breath. As the sharp pain slowly reduced to a mild throbbing, he was able to loosen his grip on the stuffed bear that he held to his chest. Wiping as much visible sweat away as he could, he opened the door for his uncle; as if nothing had happened.

"Good morning, Gaara!"

The boy, now known as Gaara, gave a light smile in reply to Yashamaru's morning greeting. The child had now been very good at hiding all signs of one of his attacks; he didn't want to worry his uncle.

"I brought you some breakfast. I was actually able to find these selling at half price on the market today, feel free to eat as much as you want!"

"Thank you, Yashamaru," Gaara accepted the food gratefully. Yashamaru opened up the window shades to let the crisp morning sunlight dance its way around the dark edges of the bedroom. Gaara had to wince for a brief moment so his eyes could adjust.

"That's a little better," Yashamaru said, taking his place next to Gaara. The three-year old had 'I-want-to-ask-you-something-but-I'm-afraid-you'll-say-no,' written all over his face. "Is there something on your mind?"

"Well..." Gaara replied hesitantly. "I did kind of want to ask you something…"

The older man smirked. _'I thought so.' _

"I was wondering…well, would it be okay if I went outside today? Even just for a little while?"

Yashamaru sighed, and shook his head, "Sorry kid, but Lord Kazekage wants you in your room at all times. You'll get in serious trouble if you're caught."

"B-but what if I'm careful? I'll be good! Honestly!"

"You're father's rules, Gaara. I can't let you do whatever you want; I wouldn't be doing my job in protecting you."

"Why can't I go outside? Other kids do it all of the time, what's so special about me?" Gaara's eyes traveled to the floor, studying it. In an almost inaudible tone, he muttered, "What's wrong with me?"

His uncle's eyes softened at the boy's innocence. _'Poor kid, he's hated by everyone who knows him and he doesn't even know why._'

Yashamaru stood up, preparing to leave. He thought it probably would be best to leave Gaara's question unanswered. The boy's eyes bore onto him as he walked towards the door, begging the older man not to leave.

"Don't worry," Yashamaru said, "I'll be back in a little while. I just have to run a few errands."

Gaara sighed, "Alright."

The door clicked shut, signaling Yashamaru's departure. Gaara stared at the spot where he stood, unanswered questions floating all over his mind.

_'Why won't anyone tell me anything? Am…am I that much of a monster?' _

His gaze traveled to the window. The sun's rays shone with great brilliance and power over the sands of Suna. That must've meant that it was hot outside. The cloudless sky, the various houses scattered around the area, and the large portion of land that stretched out as far as the eye could see; it was enough to make their little village picture perfect. Gaara had to be a part of it. The chance of being in the pretty little sand painting called Suna was just too tempting to resist.

'_Just for a little while.' _

The young redhead stood up, and slowly made his way towards the window; there was too much of a chance he would get caught if he used the door. He took one last glance behind him to make sure no one was coming, and silently began climbing out of the window; keeping his favorite stuffed bear to his side at all times.

XXX

Everything in their village was so breath taking! Gaara had found it extremely difficult to keep his hands off of anything! He did have enough self control to keep away from the shopkeepers. After all, Yashamaru had said that they get awfully angry if you touch their stuff without paying for it. Truth to be told, this was the first time in a long time Gaara had ventured out into the village. He did go outside a couple of times when he was 1, but he always had an adult to accompany him, and he didn't really remember it all that well.

What had really caught Gaara's attention was the playground that he found after walking a few blocks. It was currently unoccupied by anyone else but him, and he was dying to start trying things out. His legs carried him over to one of the swings that sat innocently across the playground, occasionally moving slightly from a passing breeze. Gaara sat down on it, and held his bear even closer to his chest; rocking back and forth. There was something rather soothing about the slow pace, and for the first time in a long time, Gaara felt at ease.

As he started getting used to it a little bit more, he took himself higher. The wind was racing through his hair, and the sensation of flying overpowered him! He just barely was able to hang on to his bear a few times. For the first time in a long time, Gaara felt alive; allowing his first true smile to grace his lips. He could actually feel the pain in his chest begin to heal a little.

'_This is so much fun!' _

He finally pulled himself into a stop. His legs felt a little wobbly standing up, but he found his footing and did everything he could to muffle the little giggling fit that was trying to escape him.

_'I still don't understand why they kept me away from this so long…what's out here that could possibly be so dangerous?' _

As happy as he was, he still felt like there was something missing. There was still a twinge of pain leftover that hadn't quite been healed yet. He brushed his hand lightly over his chest, and brought it to his eye level to stare at it.

'_I'm not even bleeding…'_

"Are you new around here?"

The sudden voice caught Gaara by surprise. He turned around to face two kids that looked about his age; a girl and a boy. His eyes widened a little, his mind swimming with panic. The stuffed bear was once again being squished tightly to Gaara's chest (it's almost surprising the poor thing's head hasn't popped off by now).

_'What should I say? What should I say? What should I say? What should I say?' _he repeated in his mind. The awkward silence stretched another several moments.

"Can't you talk?" the girl asked him, staring at him quizzically.

Gaara had finally found his voice, "Uh, yeah…sorry…um, in answer to your question earlier; no, I'm not new here."

"Then why haven't we seen you?" the boy's voice chimed in. Both of them stepped a little closer to the frightened redhead.

"Well…my family's sort of been strict with me…actually this is my first time out of the house…" Gaara gulped. He thought his answer sounded stupid, but Yashamaru had told him to always tell the truth.

"Wow, that is strict," the girl said, "I don't think me or my brother would be able to live our entire lives indoors, it would probably drive us mad. What's your name?"

Gaara smiled a little sheepishly; this was going well, "I'm Gaara, how about you two?"

"I'm Ichiro," the boy said. He placed his hand on the girl's shoulder, "This is my little sister, Chiharu. Do you want to play with us?"

Gaara had no objections. The three of them played all sorts of games at the playground for a good two hours.

_'Ah shoot, Yashamaru probably came home a while ago…I hope he's not worried…well, maybe if I tell him that I actually made some friends, he won't get mad!' _

"I better head back," Gaara said, facing the two siblings. Laughing a little, he added, "I'm not really supposed to be out here in the first place, ehe…"

"Want us to walk with you?" Chiharu asked.

Gaara shrugged shyly, "If you want to…"

"Sure!" Ichiro said happily. "I wouldn't mind seeing where you live!"

The three walked on, chatting noisily about random subjects that seemed to come out of nowhere (such as, "How would a panda react to pink hair dye?").

Their trek was coming to an end. They were only a few blocks away from Gaara's house when Chiharu accidentally tripped over a rock. To Gaara, it seemed as if she were falling in slow motion. A strange feeling rushed out of him; like his energy was being drained. His stomach churned at the sudden reaction, and he felt like he was going to be sick. What met his eyes was even stranger; sand had risen up from the ground, and caught the young girl just before she fell.

After finding her footing, the sand retreated to its spot under Gaara's feet. The siblings stared at him wide-eyed.

"W-What are you?" Ichiro breathed, terror edging its way in every inch of his voice. Unfortunately, he and his sister took Gaara's sudden action the wrong way.

Gaara gave him kind of a hurt look, "I-I'm sorry…that's really never happened before." His gaze drifted over to Chiharu, who looked at him as if he were going to kill her. "Are you okay, Chiharu?"

"Don't go anywhere near my sister!" Ichiro moved protectively in front of her.

Gaara was speechless. Just a minute ago, they were acting like best friends. Now the two siblings glared at him with bitter hatred, and fright.

'_What just happened?'_

Tears were stinging Gaara's eyes, but he didn't let them fall. Instead, he moved a couple of inches towards them.

"Get back, you demon!" Chiharu spat from behind her brother. Gaara took one little step closer, and the two of them bolted in the opposite direction.

The confused redhead stared after them. He didn't even try to go after them to console them; he knew it wouldn't do any good. Involuntary tears were streaming down his face as his first two friends slipped away like sand.

'_What's wrong with me?' _

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A/N: How was it? I'm actually kind of happy with the way this turned out, but I do think that it might've been a little fast paced. I'm sorry for any grammar/spelling errors; I can be kind of bad about that. It shouldn't be too off, though...I had my beta reader look over it, and she's just awesome!

R&R! I can't believe I'm about to say this...but go ahead and flame if you feel my story needs it...asking you not to express how you really feel about it is like hiding from the truth (and I need to get over the fear of criticism that I seem to be having lately).


	2. Unwanted

A/N: Well, here's chapter two! Sorry it took so long, I had a pretty bad writers block. I hope you guys like this chapter! Although I do feel like I'm making everyone a bit OOC…

**Chapter 2- Unwanted**

"Why would you disobey me like that? Is there some part of 'no' that you don't understand?"

The three year old kept his eyes fixed to his feet. He was only half listening to his uncle's lecture. Mixed emotions were swimming around in his gut. Some were familiar to him, yet some were completely new. Yashamaru's voice wasn't the one that was making itself heard in his mind; it was someone else's. A low growl slowly started getting louder until it just about completely plugged up the boy's ears.

Gaara was terrified.

Yashamaru continued to walk back and forth of the Kazekage's office. No longer speaking, he also kept his gaze fixed to his feet. His mind was on a different subject.

_'It has already begun. My sister's rage has finally made its home in the boy.'_

The blonde was confused. He wasn't sure what was going to happen to Gaara, now. He figured that whatever happened was his brother-in-law's problem, but still, what if the Kazekage ordered Gaara to be assassinated? Should he protect the little demon?

_'Maybe it would be best if he's 'taken care of' while he's still young. He won't have to suffer through the rest of his life, that way…he won't have time to get stronger.'_

Yashamaru winced. What was he thinking? Besides, the decision wasn't even his. He was the boy's uncle; of course he was going to protect him!

_'But at the same time…that's protecting Shukaku. I'd not only be betraying the village, I would also be destroying it!'_

The Kazekage was also lost in his own thoughts of the matter.

_'It's dangerous, but he'll prove to us to be a great weapon. This was just one slip up; we'll have to handle him with more caution. Yes, it'll be worth the trouble! My son will do the sand village proud! Even if it kills him!'_

"I'm sorry," the tiny voice broke the cold silence that surrounded the three of them. Both of the older men snapped out of their train of thought and guided their attention back to the quivering redhead.

Yashamaru sighed, "I know you are…" In lack of things to say, he glanced at the boy's father expectantly.

"Son," the Kazekage said at last, "will you please wait outside for a moment?"

Gaara nodded. Squishing his teddy bear closer to his body, he exited the room. He had never once made eye contact with either of the two adults.

"I apologize for this, Lord Kazekage," Yashamaru said. "I should have watched him a little better."

The leader of Suna smiled, "He is powerful."

Yashamaru's eyes widened, "What are you saying? That kid is a weapon! No…more like a ticking time bomb! He's a danger to the village!"

The Kazekage chuckled, "That quite a mouthful, especially coming from the man who raised him."

The blond was completely in shock. He stared at his hands; disbelief at what he had just said was starting to overwhelm him.

"Calm down." The elder man smirked, and lazily leaned against his desk. "He is a weapon; a dangerous one at that. And like all dangerous weapons, he'll just have to be handled with care until I start training him next year."

"N-next year?" Yashamaru stuttered. "H-he'll only be four!"

"What made you care about him all of a sudden?"

"…I've always cared about him…It's just…"

The Kazekage shook his head. "Never mind. Anyway, I think it might be kind of good for him to go outside a little more."

"But-"

"Let me finish. He can't go any further than the playground. I don't think he will bother the other kids; I'll bet they're all afraid of him by now and won't want to be anywhere near him."

"No one else saw what happened, though."

"You know how kids are nowadays, nothing but gossip. I think fresh air every now and then will do the kid some good. If he does anything else, we'll just go back to the old way."

Yashamaru nodded. The two of them made their way outside where their weapon awaited their return.

XXX

Gaara didn't stop after letting the office door click shut behind him. He wanted to run; run as far away as he could without stopping. It didn't matter where he went, just as long as it was away from there. Unfortunately, he quickly discarded this idea because he knew better than that. Instead, he managed to walk as far away from the office as he could without leaving the building.

His father's employees would pass by him every now and then. Each time, they would look at him with some sort of disgust, fear, or they would just start whispering to each other. Gaara was growing more embarrassed by the second, and it didn't help that the pit of his stomach felt as if it were doing back flips.

The 3-year-old clutched his bear even tighter to his chest (A/N: If that's possible O.O) with one hand, and pulled his knees closer to him with the other; forming a tiny ball. It was more of an effort to conceal himself than it was to make him feel any better. He knew this attempt was completely futile, but at that moment, he just didn't care. At least he couldn't see the accusing stares that everyone was giving him.

"Isn't he the son of Lord Kazekage?"

"Yeah, I didn't even know he had a son!"

"I can see why he would want to keep it a secret! What the heck is wrong with that boy?"

"Maybe he's some kind of monster, like a demon or something."

Two female assistants sat at one of the tables on coffee break. They didn't seem to notice that the demon they were talking about was sitting barely 20 feet away from them.

Gaara was now at the point where he just wanted to cry. Oh, how his heart screamed for someone to take pity on him! It wasn't too much to ask, was it? One person, just one person out of the billions that inhabit the earth to hold him, and tell him that everything's going to be alright, while he sobbed into their shoulder.

_'Yashamaru cares about me though, doesn't he?'_

As much as he would like to believe that, there was something in the boy's mind that was telling him otherwise. When he thought about it, Yashamaru had never really hugged him before. In fact, his uncle had never given him as much as a pat on the back.

_'He does give me kind words, though. He's still the only one who's there for me.'_

Gaara was grateful for that. Yashamaru may not be very physical or mushy, but at least he did show some indication that he cared about the boy. The redhead knew if he ever needed a hug _that_ badly, he would resort to his trusty teddy bear for the job! (A/N: CUTE!!!!!) He smiled rather weakly at the thought, and removed the arm that pulled his legs to him so that he could wrap it around the squishy object. (A/N: Still surprised that it isn't flat by now…)

His gaze drifted back to the two girls. They were still talking about him.

"I feel really bad for those two kids he was with! They must be traumatized!"

_'Don't they have something better to do?'_

"I know! They were only trying to be his friend!"

_'Why won't they just stop? I really didn't mean to…'_

"Well, at least he didn't kill them…"

The burning sensation welled up again in his gut. The familiar growling sound flooded into his ears.

"No, but he tried!"

"SHUT UP!"

Gaara's blood boiled up. His mind became completely blank. Sand erupted from the ground, and pinned one of gossipers against the wall. He was numb from any feeling; it was as if something else had entirely taken over his body. Gaara ignored the girl's horrified screams.

_'Wait a minute…_'

A slight awareness of what was happening woke up the rational part of Gaara's mind. He didn't really understand what was going on, but the sand that surrounded him gave him a little bit of a hint.

_'Is…is this my doing? No! I don't want this! I never wanted to hurt anyone!'_

He tried to call it off, but he had yet to regain control over his body.

_'What do I do? I'm stuck! Father, Yashamaru, somebody, please help!_'

"Gaara, what the heck are you doing?"

Yashamaru's voice somehow pushed the boy back into control. He was finally able to make the sand loose its grip. The girl slumped to the floor; her throat was now completely dry.

"What do you have to say for yourself?" Yashamaru's voice had gradually risen as he said this.

"I-I…" Gaara was shaking. He couldn't seem to make any words come out of his mouth. The redhead stared at the sand that now lay innocently on the floor, and formed the ultimate death grip to his bear. A crowd of people had already surrounded the frightened girl to gawk at Gaara's workmanship. Not knowing what else to do, Gaara made a dash for the door. Yashamaru stepped forward to stop him, but his brother-in-law grabbed his shoulder.

"Let him go," the boy's father said, a slight smirk spread across his face. "I was considering on firing that employee, anyway. Gaara's probably headed to the playground; that's the only place he knows."

"Isn't that dangerous?" Yashamaru asked.

"With the amount of times you've asked me that, I'm beginning to think that it's your catchphrase. I've already alerted an ANBU member to keep an eye on him while he's outside. You can relax."

XXX

Gaara's legs carried him back to the place where this whole mess had started. It wasn't exactly where he wanted to be, but where else could he go? If he went home, he'd still have to face his uncle later. If he went back, he'd just have to face his father.

Once he arrived at his destination, he was a little disappointed to see other children practically overruning the place. He really wanted a little time to himself. They ran around freely; without a care in the world. Their innocence was still as bright as the sun. It seemed like a world where everyone knew each other; a place where Gaara stood out like a sore thumb.

Then, the world suddenly seemed to freeze. Everyone stood motionless, not taking their eyes off of Gaara. The redhead found himself holding breath; he was probably the stillest of the statues. The children's eyes flickered with fear.

Gaara started hearing tiny whispers of "That's him," and "What should we do?" After another minute of this awkward silence, the children cleared out of the playground. The redhead watched them sadly as they went back to what they were doing once they got a good distance away from him.

The boy sighed. '_Alone Again…'_

XXX

Yashamaru walked into his house, and found the surrounding room empty.

_'He wasn't at the playground, either.'_

He double checked the other rooms in the house, but the redhead was nowhere to be found.

_'I hope he didn't run away!'_

Despite the thoughts that had inhabited the uncle's mind earlier; Yashamaru was worried. Not for the village's well-being, but for his nephew's safety. Gaara had really grown on the blonde. He knew this wasn't Gaara's fault; the boy didn't ask to be inhabited by a demon. But a tiny part of Yashamaru's subconscious just didn't want to accept that. That part of him wanted someone other than Shukaku to blame. That part of him decided to show its ugly face right in front of the boy's father.

_'The stress of everything that had happened today just took its toll on me, I suppose.'_

Suddenly, a new idea came to Yashamaru. Maybe Gaara was on the roof! The kid did seem to hang around there often; especially at night! The blonde made his way to the roof, and sure enough, the redhead was there; sitting in his trademark fetal position.

The boy didn't even notice his uncle sit next to him. He kept his gaze fixated towards the surrounding city. Yashamaru had to speak up to get his attention.

"Long day, eh?"

Gaara's tearful eyes traveled to Yashamaru for a moment, and he slowly nodded. He then continued staring at the city, as if waiting for something to happen.

Yashamaru sighed, "Look, I'm sorry I was so cross with you earlier today. I've just been sort of stressed out lately. I know I probably shouldn't have taken it out on you, though…Sometimes I can be one of those people who doesn't really think before they act."

"You didn't do anything wrong," Gaara muttered. "I'm the one who's been hurting everyone."

Yashamaru couldn't think of anything to reply to that statement. He took to staring at his hands, for his mind was at a complete loss of what to do. A long, awkward silence filled the air for a good five minutes before the redhead's shaking voice decided to break it.

"Do you hate me, too?"

The boy's uncle raised his head, only to meet the woeful eyes that were staring at him somewhat expectantly. This question really took him off guard. Guardians of other children are usually able to answer questions like this right away with a "No, of course not! What makes you think that?" But with Gaara, situations were a little different.

Yes, his sister wouldn't be dead right now if Gaara hadn't been born. But it was a little more of the Shukaku's doing than it was Gaara, right? On the other hand, if his sister had died cursing the boy, should he curse him as well?

But looking into his eyes, Yashamaru couldn't find it in his heart to hate him. They were eyes begging to be loved, pleading for someone to understand him. Gaara's soul only knew pain. In a way, Yashamaru felt he could almost learn a thing or two from the redhead; no matter what the people in this village put him through, Gaara bore no hatred towards them.

After this long moment of silence, Gaara was ready to give up. If his uncle loved him, he would've answered by now. But just as he was about to look away, Yashamaru finally opened his mouth; his answer taking the boy by surprise.

"No, Gaara, I don't hate you."

A/N: Ok, I know that Yashamaru and the Kazekage probably seemed very OOC. Well, I'm assuming that the Kazekage did value Gaara a little more before he had turned 6. Am I making Gaara sound to old for his age? I mean, smartness and awareness wise. It just sort of seems like it.

Well anyways, REVIEW!!! C'mon, tell me what you think! Hit that little button on the bottom left hand corner of this page, and I'll give you a cookie!!!


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